Making it as a Single Father
Dealing with the Emotional Roller Coaster
We've all been on that emotional roller coaster ride through hell. Where breakups with our wives or girlfriends have left us well, lets just say, taking a knee. But it only looks up from there. For those of you who don't know, a split is hard but it's even harder on those who have children in the relationship and have to deal with all the extras such as custody battles and the sort.
This past year I became a single father, what can I say, things didn't work out. Somethings just don't. But it's how we collect the pieces and move forward that make the healing process so much quicker. If not for yourself then for the sake of your child. It doesn't make much sense to wallow in self pity but you're gonna. It's just what's going to happen and you're going to have to go through the emotions to get off the ride.
Your Child the Motivator
Trying to get through an emotional time requires a lot of patience, because you're going to have to wait it through to fully heal. You should remember that what ever it is you are feeling your child is feeling it too. Your child should remain your constant motivator to push through the pain and unto a more pleasant state of mind.
Find a Distraction
Your child is the most important person in your world and should be treated as such. Your child is taking the lions share of the pain and you have the responsibility to make the transition as easy as possible for him or her. Find a hobby or create a new one when its your day to spend time with them. Try doing something absolutely new so that the both of you are excited and look forward to your next meeting. It's essential not just for you but for your child.
Don't Bad Mouth the other Parent
As tempting as it may seem to bad mouth the other parent, don't. It doesn't make you look any better and only provides temporary relief to the pain you feel. Its not worth it bud.
Children Take the Lions Share
The ramifications of separation for children are great. Children face the fear of change in their lives where nothing will be the same from meals to family outings. Its an terrible time for them and reestablishing that security should be your number one priority. Children also face the fear of being abandoned or lose attachment to things around them. Children not coping with the separation often show signs of aggression and emotional withdrawal.
Remember to put your Keiki (Child) first
Although you may not like the ex, it's important to remember that you still are the parent and that your responsibilities haven't changed. You need to act like the parent, discipline them when necessary, remain consistent, and reassure you child through actions and words that you will always be in your child's life no matter what.
